Where's my life jacket!?!?!

WOAH Party People! Hold up. Stop wait a minute. I need to take a moment to point out that I have some bad luck. Seriously, I have some bad luck. Last week was a trying time in the life and times of Mara D. I feel like Mr. Universe was all, "Hey Mara!" And I was like, "What Mr. Universe?" And he was like, "Suck it." And I was like, "Huh?" And then last week, I understood.

Let me further the narrative with some details. Monday was already a trying day for me. But it was capped off by the basement flooding. Now I should point out for those of you that don't know that I live in the basement. Dun Dun Dun. Yes dear readers and aforementioned party people, my bedroom was sopping. I could have used a dingy (get your mind out of the gutter...I mean the boat!) to swim through my room. Well this last part is for comedic value. It was bad, but the water wasn't standing in my room. Perhaps more water poured from my own eyes than was on the floor. I had already mentioned it was a rough day. I cried and cried and cried...and then just to see if I could, I cried some more. Well, though some guidance and assistance from a stranger, (seriously, I don't know the guy who helped shop vac my room) we pulled up the carpet and let it dry.

This leads me to Friday. Imagine a beautiful brisk spring morning and a Friday on top of that. What could go wrong? While I am beautifying myself for work, I hear, "DING DING DING DONG DONG DONG." (Maybe not in that order.) I go to the door with wet hair and definitely no make up. And there is a small man at my door. He was there to lay new carpet padding and put the dry carpet back down. While walking down my stairs I smell gas...yep gas. The water heater had broken, leaked and taken the pilot light out with it. What a cruel way to go! SO natural gas is leaking into my house and the carpet guy is in my room, and I am not ready for work. So what did I do? I put on make up, told my roomies and bailed on the situation. Bam. That's how I roll. Well not really how I would have liked to handle the situation, but what do you do? Get to steppin.

Anyway, Cest la Vie.

Here's hoping there are not any other natural home disasters heading my way. I ran out of lifelines on this last one.

my new level of cool

So I know you know that I am a pretty awesome gal (by the way only awesome people use the word "gal"). I have recently become a much cooler person. You might be asking yourself, "But how could Mara possibly become cooler. She's already are the epitome of cool." To that I have to say, "Thank you. I know." But it is indeed true. I have finally ventured into the world of phones with keyboards. This is the new level of awesome that I am referencing. It's like I finally know happiness. To text quickly is to text happily. I think the seconds I have saved utilizing my new keyboard have opened my eyes to the beauty of the world. What a glorious place we live in! With the old texting method I used, I probably would have missed flowers blooming, trees growing, and maybe even spring in its totality. But not now. Not anymore.

Do I miss the flip phone? I can't lie to you. I kind of do. I miss the way I could flip it open with attitude and grace, but does my new and vibrant hot pink cell phone case make up for it. Why yes, yes it does. If you see me on the street, go ahead and send me a text. I'll reply with lightning quick speed, and you can first hand witness how this validates me even more as a person. BAM.

Here's hoping for a steady stream of awesomeness for the future. No problem.

whoa is me...

I wish I had a fainting coach. I would totally use it today. I feel icky. I just spent the last two hours at urgent care. I have a respiratory infection and a sprained foot. And wouldn't you know they wanted to give me Cipro again, aka the Anthrax medicine, for the respiratory infection! Probably because I am allergic to absolutely everything else in the world. BUT since last time (as you might recall) I had FIVE out of the SEVEN side effects I asked to have the Z-Pac. Which I am probably allergic to it. Honestly, it is related to one of the medicines I am allergic to, but I am taking the risk anyway. Just so you don't think I am crazy (more crazy than you already think I am), I have had the Z-Pac before.

Back to that fainting coach. I think I get my best ideas when I am sick. I know what I want in life. I want a fainting coach that follows its owner around. It would of course be invisible until needed. And when it is needed, bam!!!!, it would catch its owner (me of course) automatically. And I could land comfortably with my hand dramatically on my forehead. They will sell like hotcakes! Hotcakes I tell you! What?!?! Do I hear doubt in cyberland. I think you are thinking there are a few minor details to deal with like...color and cushion size. I am sure those things will really fall into place.

Here's hoping that a nice night of rest awaits me.

This is a bit awkward but...

Oh Spring. You came back.

Every year I have a love affair with Spring and Summer. I go outside. Bask and bask. And every year I get used and left behind. But I don't mind, at lease not right away. I start out loving Spring, then it's an easy transition to Summer. We are so happy together outside enjoying sunshine and light breezes. But Summer leaves, so I settle for Fall. It isn't until Winter comes knocking on my door that I realize how much I miss the "S" seasons. Winter is always like, "Hey baby, it won't be like last time. I'm doing better for myself. I swear." But it's all lies! LIES, I tell you. You are probably thinking this is weird. Well stop judging me. You don't know me! This year will be different...Yeah different...it won't happen again. I'm going to figure out how to follow my lovely favorite seasons so they NEVER LEAVE me again! You hear me Spring and Summer. I'll follow you. I will!!!!! Ahahahaha! (make sure you read that out loud really creepily).

Here's hoping...that I'm not really this crazy someday. I'm scared. ;)

Charge!

So life without a charger for my computer has been quite interesting. So I am taking care of that situation as I type. Currently I am on hold with someone in a different country about getting a new one sent out to me. I am not sure if this person is a woman or a man. I want to ask, but I realize that would be a weird question. I wouldn't like it if someone said that to me. However, I don't think I have an worries for that since I have been told that I have an unnaturally high voice. But can I tell you that I don't hear that in my head. Why is that? I'm sure it has to do with vocal vibration and all that jazz. But learning that my voice is not as low as I thought was a sad day for me. My dreams of becoming a pirate were lost. No one will take a high pitched pirate seriously. You can't say, "Shiver me timbers" or "Walk the plank" and sound like a lost bird and expect any sort of emotional impact worth while. So I now I have too look for other life goals. Blast. It isn't easy to be me. (I want you to know that I had "ain't" in that sentence and I literally couldn't use it. Maybe you can imagine it though. I think it is sounds funnier, but I can't do it. It isn't in my bones.)

Update on the charger: I got transferred to a tech guy, (that's right it was a guy. I am pretty sure on that one) and I am getting a charger for FREE! Heck yeah!

Here's hoping for POWER. LOTS AND LOTS of POWER.

To the mean man at the movie today

So I just got back from watching Shutter Island at the movie theater. I must tell you that it is a VERY good movie, and I do recommend it. But my movie going experience was tainted by a meanie of a man. Yes I said meanie of a man. During the previews the song "Mad World" played. This song is originally done by Tears for Fears but then covered by Gary Jules for the movie Donnie Darko. Now I just couldn't think of the movie that it was in (Donnie Darko if you follow). So I sent a text message to ask. While I was awaiting the response, I remembered and sent a follow up text expressing that. Whilst in the middle of my text, the man behind me leans forward and says in a rude tone, "MA'AM TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE. I PAID TO SEE A MOVIE NOT THE SCREEN OF YOUR CELL PHONE," to which I responded, "Sir, give me a minute and I will." The opening credits had just started and I was just sending the text to communicate I had answered my own question. It was really quite innocent. So here is my letter to the meanie of a man saying what I wish I would have said,

Dear Meanie of a Man,

You are not nice. I was just sending a text and then I would have been done. You are a big doo doo head and I don't like you. I hope you trip and tear a nice piece of clothing on your way out and you feel really upset about it. And I hope you lose a button too! Also, I think you need to look within yourself and think about who you are, Mr. Grumpkis. I am a nice lady and you are not. Also you kicked my chair twice. And I didn't pay for that. Where's my refund?! I'll accept sunshine, butterflies and smiles. I don't think you can afford that though, so I'll accept credit card or cash in their place.

Suck it.

m.dek (that's my rap name)

peace.

here's hoping that karma exists.

Warning

Okay, I need to send a fair warning that this blog is going to be pretty inappropriate. Well at least I think that it might get inappropriate. I have only written the sentences you are reading. Maybe this warning means I will censor myself more. Or maybe I will feel more free then ever and just the the fraking swear words start flowing. (I just made a really cheesy Sci-Fi joke. A virtual high five goes out to the reader that knows just what the frak I am referencing.)

Okay, I got sidelined. I wasn't quite sure what to write about next. I've had an idea or two, but nothing came to fruition until last night. I was out on the town enjoying an evening of beverages and the company of a few friends and coworkers. This is when inspiration struck in the form of Liquid Cocaine. It is a delightful drink. (If anyone of my relatives is reading this, I'm sure I enjoyed it within reason. Yes, definitely within reason.) Let's just go back to the cocaine part of this story though. The shot is named LIQUID COCAINE. Who feels weird about this? Is it just me? Let's pretend I'm talking to my momisita and she asked what I did last night. I would say, "Oh, same old, same old. Just had some liquid cocaine. Hung out. Nothing big." Doesn't something seem slightly off here? It seems as if whoever is naming these shots is really sexually frustrated, a druggie, and maybe a few other weird things. Here are a few examples: Slippery Nipple (or Buttery Nipple), El Chupa Libre, Horny Bastard, Sex with an Alligator, Blow Job, etc. The list goes on. Let's imagine that we felt so free to name things in our ordinary lives like we name our shots. Can you imagine being out to dinner and someone asks, "Can you pass the Red Headed Slut." Aw-kwa-rd. I think I'll try to throw out shot names at different times during my day. Here are future conversation starters, "Congratulations on your Duck Fart." (that one isn't sexual, but I wanted to write it ever so badly). Or, "Hey Monkey Spunk, how are you?" Or, "Are you still with that Kickin' Chicken." I bet you're thirsty now.

Here's hoping that you all aren't offended...

P.S. I put hyperlinks for some of the shots and then I got tired and didn't care anymore to label the rest. So if you want to check on the validity of some of them just google it.