Monday, September 27, 2010

Here is my weekend

So this weekend, one of my friends and I drove five fun filled hours across the glorious state of Iowa on Friday night. We did this to find ourselves in Coralville/Iowa City. Now of course for lodgings we wanted the best of the best, and boy did we get it at the Motel 6! Glorious lodgings indeed! I hope that you all know me enough to sense the sarcasm I was trying to infer there, but instead have stated in an obvious fashion right now: I am being sarcastic. I was scared for my life and the life I lead that is currently free of bed bugs. It was gross and smelled like smoke and old air freshener. Being the smarty pants that I am, I checked for the little ucky beasts and did not find any. I feel as if I survived an episode of Fear Factor by staying the night. I might have developed a respiratory infection, but I won the satisfaction of Motel 6 fear factor survival, and that is surely enough to make my life worth living.

Next, we left the glorious 6 for the standard breakfast, a little light shopping and the Hawkeye game. Whilst attending the Hawkeye game, the heavens opened up and rain, oh rain came pouring down! We only made it to half time. Then we decided to kick it out of there. We abandoned football for shopping. A great decision that resulted in a very discounted Coach purse for me. Since my clothes were soaking wet, I changed at a truck stop. I felt like a truck stop hooker. I had tall boots and a dress to change into. It was awkward. No offers were made, rest assured. I'll always keep it classy in Iowa.

Here's hoping for a bed bug free's possible America.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

the haitus is over

Oh blogging world! I have missed you. It's true: I abandoned you for too long. I just needed a break. I felt a little smothered by you, but once you were gone...oh how I knew that I needed you back! Wait don't leave, I didn't mean to say smothered...I meant to say, that isn't it...uh non-spacial-ly compatible...yeah...better? No...oh. Fine, I'll tell you the truth. But don't blame me if you can't handle the truth!!!! It all started with me being busy and ended with laziness. Whew I feel much better now. The air has been cleared by the sweet, sweeping odor of truth.

On the other side of life I have been rocking the wrist brace lately. I personally feel like it is a pretty useful, not to mention sexy addition to my wardrobe lately. I don't say that just because my friend's dog thought my black brace was a chew toy. He tried to eat it whilst my wrist was still inside. Fantastic. That story relates to the useful portion of the wrist brace. So not only does it keep me from further injury, it entertains our furry friends. Now to address the sexy side of the wrist brace. Oh wait, it is not sexy. It is awkward. When I said sexy, I must have meant annoying conversation piece. It usually goes like this. Stranger starting conversation with me, "Carpal Tunnel?" Me, "No ka - ra - tee incident." Stranger, "Really?" Me, "No."

Friday, July 2, 2010

Back the train up

So I have been slacking lately on keeping up with the blog. I blame everyone and everything that does not involve me. Totally not my fault. I mean how could it be my fault? It's not like I'm the only one who works on this thing...or types it...or...or...uh...okay okay it's my fault! I've been busy...and tired...and I have been slightly obsessed with watching old school tv shows on hulu. (I feel dirty calling them old school, since they are what I watched when I was ...uh...younger) I made it through season one of Charles in Charge (which was AWESOME) and am working on season two of Major Dad. Basically I am becoming a better person. I learned so much from Charles and I still got to ogle Scott Bayo (holla!). What could be better than objectification mixed with life lesson? Nothing in my book. And my book is a book worth reading.

Well on a slightly less television related note, by slightly less I mean not at all relating to television, I was attacked. Attacked I say! Sit down...come back to the computer. I say that because I am sure you are all in uproar about such a thing. Let me explain though. Here I was dreaming dreams of daisies, shoes, and my kingdom where I rule as princess, when Peter the Bat attacked me with the beating of his wings. Or I like to call it the flap of fury. You may be asking, "Who is Peter the Bat?" Good question. He is the bat that has been squatting in my basement for about a month. He was not invited and has become a very troubling house guest. I think it rather rude to interrupt delightful dreams with the wings of death. Here is what I have to say to Peter: Oh Peter why! Why frighten me? Why make me run up a flight of stairs screaming to ask for aid from my roommate all while not wearing pants? (It was hot and I didn't want to sleep in pants...back off). Oh Peter, both of us can't exist in that house. Either you go or I go. And we both know that you would be happier outdoors than me. I'm scared of bugs and you like to eat them. See? I think I have made my point. Ahgoodday. (please read with a British accent and tip your imaginary hat whilst reading "Ahgoodday.")

Here's hoping Peter and I can end this amicably.

Monday, May 10, 2010

No Kitty NO!!!!

Brace yourselves party people.

Last week I killed a cat. The Honda Fit flattened the cat, and the tenacious tabby took out the Fit. That is, it broke a plastic piece beneath my bumper. Here is the story. I am driving along on Highway 20 just before Correctionville. I reach down for a delicious Dot (that is right the yummiriffic and delectable gumdrop), and POP... the cat got out of the hat and ran in front of my wheeling wheels. I could not swerve. I could not break. Oh so much at stake! (And I could not even enjoy my gumdrop.) There were cars every which way. I felt it. I felt death take this cats life, and I was the cause. I did the wrong thing and looked in my rear-view mirror, only to see the formerly fresh feline fly and its fur feather away...oh woah is the kitty whose life I stole. So my heart is saddened at this point. I even called my mom to find comfort. But sadness only claimed my heart for a moment until I realize that there is a black plastic piece dragging along the highway. This was also the moment I realized that if I am ever in a car accident, I am screwed. If a cat (granted it was pretty big) can take off a piece of the Fit, I am worried that the cat may not be the only flattened fool on the highway. Yikes that was morose and morbid...but true. I have decided that every time (from this point on) I get into the Fit, I will wear bubble wrap head to toe. I only hope that I don't get carried away popping the contained air. Safety first you know. Maybe I will also wear a helmet, but it has to afford me peripheral vision. And maybe some knee and shoulder pads. And if I have a guy friend riding in the car, I will keep a cup in the glove box. That way I can let everyone know I am always thinking of their safety. There will be no more death on mine or the Fit's watch!

Here's hoping for fastly fixing the Fit...

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Where's my life jacket!?!?!

WOAH Party People! Hold up. Stop wait a minute. I need to take a moment to point out that I have some bad luck. Seriously, I have some bad luck. Last week was a trying time in the life and times of Mara D. I feel like Mr. Universe was all, "Hey Mara!" And I was like, "What Mr. Universe?" And he was like, "Suck it." And I was like, "Huh?" And then last week, I understood.

Let me further the narrative with some details. Monday was already a trying day for me. But it was capped off by the basement flooding. Now I should point out for those of you that don't know that I live in the basement. Dun Dun Dun. Yes dear readers and aforementioned party people, my bedroom was sopping. I could have used a dingy (get your mind out of the gutter...I mean the boat!) to swim through my room. Well this last part is for comedic value. It was bad, but the water wasn't standing in my room. Perhaps more water poured from my own eyes than was on the floor. I had already mentioned it was a rough day. I cried and cried and cried...and then just to see if I could, I cried some more. Well, though some guidance and assistance from a stranger, (seriously, I don't know the guy who helped shop vac my room) we pulled up the carpet and let it dry.

This leads me to Friday. Imagine a beautiful brisk spring morning and a Friday on top of that. What could go wrong? While I am beautifying myself for work, I hear, "DING DING DING DONG DONG DONG." (Maybe not in that order.) I go to the door with wet hair and definitely no make up. And there is a small man at my door. He was there to lay new carpet padding and put the dry carpet back down. While walking down my stairs I smell gas...yep gas. The water heater had broken, leaked and taken the pilot light out with it. What a cruel way to go! SO natural gas is leaking into my house and the carpet guy is in my room, and I am not ready for work. So what did I do? I put on make up, told my roomies and bailed on the situation. Bam. That's how I roll. Well not really how I would have liked to handle the situation, but what do you do? Get to steppin.

Anyway, Cest la Vie.

Here's hoping there are not any other natural home disasters heading my way. I ran out of lifelines on this last one.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

my new level of cool

So I know you know that I am a pretty awesome gal (by the way only awesome people use the word "gal"). I have recently become a much cooler person. You might be asking yourself, "But how could Mara possibly become cooler. She's already are the epitome of cool." To that I have to say, "Thank you. I know." But it is indeed true. I have finally ventured into the world of phones with keyboards. This is the new level of awesome that I am referencing. It's like I finally know happiness. To text quickly is to text happily. I think the seconds I have saved utilizing my new keyboard have opened my eyes to the beauty of the world. What a glorious place we live in! With the old texting method I used, I probably would have missed flowers blooming, trees growing, and maybe even spring in its totality. But not now. Not anymore.

Do I miss the flip phone? I can't lie to you. I kind of do. I miss the way I could flip it open with attitude and grace, but does my new and vibrant hot pink cell phone case make up for it. Why yes, yes it does. If you see me on the street, go ahead and send me a text. I'll reply with lightning quick speed, and you can first hand witness how this validates me even more as a person. BAM.

Here's hoping for a steady stream of awesomeness for the future. No problem.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

whoa is me...

I wish I had a fainting coach. I would totally use it today. I feel icky. I just spent the last two hours at urgent care. I have a respiratory infection and a sprained foot. And wouldn't you know they wanted to give me Cipro again, aka the Anthrax medicine, for the respiratory infection! Probably because I am allergic to absolutely everything else in the world. BUT since last time (as you might recall) I had FIVE out of the SEVEN side effects I asked to have the Z-Pac. Which I am probably allergic to it. Honestly, it is related to one of the medicines I am allergic to, but I am taking the risk anyway. Just so you don't think I am crazy (more crazy than you already think I am), I have had the Z-Pac before.

Back to that fainting coach. I think I get my best ideas when I am sick. I know what I want in life. I want a fainting coach that follows its owner around. It would of course be invisible until needed. And when it is needed, bam!!!!, it would catch its owner (me of course) automatically. And I could land comfortably with my hand dramatically on my forehead. They will sell like hotcakes! Hotcakes I tell you! What?!?! Do I hear doubt in cyberland. I think you are thinking there are a few minor details to deal with like...color and cushion size. I am sure those things will really fall into place.

Here's hoping that a nice night of rest awaits me.