Anthrax.

No sir/ma'am (gots to be gender neutral you know, fo sho)! I am not referencing the band with the crazily facially endowed front man, Scott Ian. No, I am referencing the wild spore forming bacterium. Yes. Yes, I am. Turns out that the medicine I am on to treat my delightful (sarcasm intended here!) sinusitis (or a sinus infection if you want me to use the less fun words) is a wicked strong antibiotic used to prevent or treat slow Anthrax. I don't know how you would feel finding this out. But I am comforted. I can open all the mail I want! Got any suspicious mail hanging around. Don't worry. I'll come over. I'm covered. I'll risk it. I will totally accept monetary donations though. I mean really, can you put a price on your life? Or the prevention of slow Anthrax. The answer is yes. Of course you can. You can put a price on anything. And I am willing to accept your money. I'm thinking of doing some advertising. First I need a business name. How's Mara's Mail Murder Prevention, Inc.? Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Creepy. I'll keep brainstorming, but I'm pretty sure I'm on to something here.

Here's hoping I can make some money, honey!